Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Stephen Colbert vs. Chuck Norris – Quick Breakdown

Round House

Chuck's Rooundhouse, Can Kill a Husky

Slow Down, I know what you’re thinking.  Chuck Norris with one quick round house kick would Texas Ranger Stephen in two seconds flat?  Maybe twenty years ago.

stephencolbertsuperhero

Stephen, With his sword of Truth

Now, Today, Stephen Colbert is a spry 45 years old and Chuck Norris is 65.

 

That’s a twenty year age difference and anyone who watches professional fighters knows that even a year or two can make or break someone’s chance of winning.

chuckvsbrucelee

Chest Hair, Ouch

Chuck Norris still stays in shape with his total gym, but it’s not like Stephen doesn’t work out as well.  Remember, lets look at Chuck’s record.  Sure, he’s had some wins?  Well, at least in the movies where he’s pretend beating up jokers.  In real life, Bruce Lee owned Chuck.

You say, “That was Bruce, and he’s bad ass in his own right”, but did you know about Chuck’s humiliating loses to Joe Lewis and Allen Steen?  Did you know about his loss to Louis Delgado. On November 24, 1968?

Chuck Norris Homless

It Would be Cool to Get RoundHoused By Chuck

Of course Chuck ended up avenging most of his losses and I’m a huge fan of his past accomplishments, but I have doubts that he could take Mr. Colbert.

DNEWS CHAFFETZ.CIT

Chaffetz Loses By Decision Against Colbert

Stephen is no stranger to physical contests.  Earlier this year he leg wrestled and beat one of his long time opponents.  Stephen has a huge gang of followers.  I’m not saying that Mr. Norris doesn’t have any fans, but has he ever been ordered to shave his head by the president?

stephencolbertsweetness

Sweetness

If You’re doubting that Stephen would have a chance, don’t forget about his .38 revolver “Sweetness” that Stephen carries on him at ALL Times.  If you read into Stephen’s past you’ll see that he’s had a hard life, and I’m not going to get into details because this is a comedy blog, that would be over the line.  We can argue a good case for Stephen, but who knows, Chuck might be able to take him?  I really don’t know.

tolietpapperofchucknorris

Toilet Paper of Chuck Norris

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Personal Ad #12683: Peter Galdon

armpit-woman

Hi there, I’m Peter. My friends call me Petey, Petite, Purple Pete, Sneaky Snake, and Pan. Cuz, you know, the fictional character. The one that never grows old. Short of the green tights and pointy hat, that’s me in a nutshell.

Well, I used to have tights. But I gave that up years ago. Look at me, rambling on. And I’m only permitted 3,000 words. I hate to bunch up my whole personality into one block of letters, but shoot, it’s so hard to meet young, fine-looking girls these days.

I usually have to go to a park, clamp my shades over my spectacles, stretch back, and let my hair do the talking. I let the whispies reel’em in. I get about one or two a day. They walk dogs, baby-sit kids, or even go for a jog.

Not me. I just sit and wait. Not like a pervert or anything. More like a young, strong Fabio waiting for his next vixen to conquer. Oh, well, I’ve said too much. But have I even said enough. Oh, there I go again, gettin’ all R.E.M. on you guys. Lets hope I don’t go “Losing My Religion” before we get the chance to sit down and talk.

Dinner’s on me, sweet pea. Waddya say?

Brett Favre Sears Commericial and Outtakes

This commercial was actually first aired after Favre came back from his second retirement to join the Minnesota Vikings, but these bloopers are just now available on youtube. If you’re a fan of Favre or football, you’ll get a kick out of the outtakes and commercial.

Halo Cloud in Moscow Capturing Nation’s Attention

The only thing funnier than a good joke or someone getting kicked in the nuts is thousands of people searching through the  internet to find information on something that isn’t even real.

At least, that’s what scientists are saying. Here’s a video of the complete, utter bullshit:

We’re not against alien invasion, home invasion, or any kind of invasion here at LGO, but we are against shitty driving and even shittier camera holding.

Fuck these mindless bastards who try to document the ending of our time with such lack of focus and zero direction. It’s a damn good thing this Halo Cloud thing was just a bullshit story. Otherwise, I’d be hearing “the real thing” from a bunch of talent-less ass clowns. And we just can’t have that, now can we?

Yout Gotta See it to Believe It: Football Player Hits Himself

Seattle Seahawks’ fullback Owen Schmitt either made a complete ass of himself on Sunday, or he made himself officially become one of the biggest badasses the NFL has seen in some time.

I’m leaning toward the former.

Gus Frerotte, eat your heart out. What a jackass.

YouTube’s Finest Vol. 1: Community Channel

Why filter through Youtube to find the funniest videos out there, when you have us here at LGO to do it for you? If you haven’t had the luxury of stumbling upon Community Channel (Where Cool Comes to Die), take a look at their latest:

“Mind My Spot”

Look out for Community Channel‘s new site that will be coming out soon!

Abandonded Car “Still Pretty Pissed”

abandonedcar

Let’s cut the shit. If you don’t believe I have a conscience and a soul, you’re both a jackass and a liar.

Is that why, 10 years ago, you’d whisper sweet nothings into my ear when you changed my oil, waxed my exterior, or changed my tires?

That’s right, bitch. I’m on to your ass.

I’ve been counting the days, friend. And a reunion between me and you is coming.

Oh, it’s coming.

But really. I’m pretty pissed.

You didn’t have to just leave me here, just sitting by myself, in the middle of nowhere.

I know you couldn’t avoid the deer. It wasn’t just lying, dead, in the middle of the road, or anything.

It would have been impossible to swerve out of it’s way, you know, with no other cars anywhere near you.

And maybe it would have been easier to see it if it wasn’t completely light out.

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

Seriously. How irresponsible/stoned were you that day?

I mean, I thought we were tight, man.

I was the classic, vintage car, and you were the ballsy, cool stoner kid.

We had a good thing going. Until you ran over a dead fucking deer in the middle of the day.

Now my engine is shot, I’m all dried up, I’m rusting to shit, and some fuckers sprayed graffiti all over the side of me.

I’m not trying to be a dick. But the least you could have done is call Triple A, get me towed somewhere, or sell me to another dude for 10 bucks.

Anything.

But not this.

Not just leave me here to face an endless eternity of lonely nights, drunk college kids fucking in my backseat, or the small chance someone eventually lights me on fire.

You know, for the fuck of it.

Just do me this one solid.

Admit you’re an idiot for running over that deer, and find a way to get me to a salvage yard. Put me out of my misery.

Just, seriously, get me the fuck out of this place.