Back of Guy’s Head Almost as Good as Movie

theater1

Hey guy, I think it’s about time we had a talk.

It’s been a solid 35 minutes of me staring into the abyss that is your Jew fro, and I’m honestly starting to get pretty pissed off.

I’m fairly sure that the movie I’m trying to watch has had several scenes with nudity, and thanks to your behemoth body and oblong head, I am unable to fathom the feeling of an erection.

I need this, bro. I need this.

Me and the Mrs. don’t get out much, and to be frank, things have dimmed in the bedroom. The excitement is gone. My balls are dropping.

Fuck it, I just want to see some free boobs and catch the plot of this fucking film.

And I know what you’re saying, if you want porn, get a computer.

Easier said than done, my friend. Easier said than done.

But I digress. I’m straying from the point, as I so often do.

The fact is, I dropped my popcorn on the way into the movie, and the lady rolled her eyes at me. She told me, “big shocker. that’s another thing you can’t hold”, and demanded I go get another one.

That shit isn’t cheap, dude, but before I could hit her with a “fuck that” eye roll, my whipped bitch-ass was out getting more popcorn.

And guess what? Dropped that, too.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling a bit, but my patience is wearing thin, and I’ve now tallied up my running total of wasted money on the night.

5 for pretzel bites, 10 for two sodas, and 12 for two popcorn’s. Then 18 for the tickets. Fuck.

That’s 45 fuckin’ dollars.

And then, to top it off, I have “mountain of a man” sitting directly in front of me, and my lady has the smallest woman in the world in front of her.

You couldn’t possibly have a difficult time trying to see the movie behind your girl, dude. Not even if she were in a high-chair.

I know I’m supposed to be a big, grown-up adult about this shit and kindly ask you to crouch down or something, but I know how uncomfortable that would be.

I’ve been there. I’ve done it-it’s not cool.

You know what else isn’t cool, though? Paying 45 bucks for a shitty night and still not getting laid.

So move you giant fucking head so I can see some action.

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