Listen Up Young Man, Here Comes Some Knowledge

creepy-guy

(Above: I’m gonna tell you how to get the ladies.)

I know you’ve been lurking in the shadows, inspecting girls and their habits.

And I’ve got news for you, as well as some handy advice:

In addition to putting down those binoculars and climbing back down out of that tree, there are ways to actually…you know…talk to these people.

I’m sure your latest attempts have gone either unnoticed, or even have been full-blown rejections. The occasional gasp or vomiting is probably not out of the question, either. In fact, both are damn near expected.

But now is the time to take notice. Heed. Listen up, fair friend. Because your lonely and troubling days are no more.

I’m going to show you how to move the moon. You’ll be swimming with the sharks, scaring bigger and badder guys away. You’ll be eating all the little fishes. Or sleeping with them. It’s really all up to you.

With my intelligence and experience backing you, failure is not a word you will speak. In fact, eliminate that word from your thoughts.

You will be a walking example of what excellence should be. Because after today, no one can touch you. You will be, for all intents and purposes, the absolute shit.

I’m going to teach you how to get down and dirty, rock out with your cock out, and all those other lovely/grotesque immature cliche’s you and your friends tell each other.

No more pocket pool, my student. You won’t need hands where you’re going.

You will become a true Casanova, a ladies man, if you will-and even if you won’t.

Just lend me your ear, your earnest devotion, and that honest, desperate spirit of yours.

I will tell you all you need to know.

Right after I’m finished watching Matlock.

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